BDSM advice

BBWSex4u: BBW Discussions: BDSM advice

My BBW lady friend just sent me a link for vacbed. Niether of us are into pain but she seems very curious about this stuff. Since it flips her switch I'm willing to try but don't know where to start. Thanks!

There are a great number of people who wander onto toy websites every day researching the various toys and instruments one is required to have in order to have a quality BDSM experience. Unfortunately, some of these toys can be rather expensive.

For the Master or Mistress who is experienced, has been into the lifestyle for a lengthy time, or has embarked on a more professional attitude toward their lifestyle, good, quality "weapons" are a must.

But for those who are exploring, experimenting, or just don't have $200 to shell out for a flogger, there are alternatives. Being one who, in reality, has a teenager about to start college, a mortgage, a car payment, and all those other nasty realities that get in the way of our fantasy life, I most certainly am one who doesn't have extra money to invest in such toys. Ahhhhh but one day, I'll win the lottery and...OK wait. Let me step out of that fantasy land for a moment.

In the mean time, while I'm waiting on my lottery winnings to roll in, I've had to be creative and experiment, and learn to make do with what I have. Below are some tips on how to add to that toy bag without busting your checking account.

Nipple/Clit Clamps

Browse your local dollar store, or the dollar bin at the local quick mart. Clothespins are, of course, a perfect toy. A word of advice, however. If you're just starting to experiment, you might want stick with wooden clothespins rather than the plastic ones that have the ridged grips. At least until you're used to them.

Small jaw clips for your hair are easy to use and give a slightly different feel than clothespins. If you can find the pretty ones shaped like butterflies, or the like, those are fun to play with from time to time.

Another great example (I have several of these in my toy bag) are small plastic spring clamps. The handles look a bit like pliers, and they have just the right amount of "bite" to them without being too harsh.

Also, chopsticks and rubber bands are handy. Place a chopstick on each side of the nipple, and use the rubber bands to secure above and below the nipple. You can control how tight they are by how many times you wind the rubber band. Very nice effect.

Rope and other Restraints

Your local hardware store is a great place to find bondage toys. Browse the rope aisle. There are several kinds. My husband and I found this great thin rope at the hardware store that is just the right size for looping through wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs and tying me to the bed. They're also soft enough that if he happens to tie me directly with them, there's not a lot of rope burn.

We tend to stay away from anything that is nylon, or man made material. Too much friction and I bruise easily.

If you're really adventurous, on that very same aisle are several kinds of chain. Now I don't recommend the chain for binding someone, but if you're creative, it does have its uses. Hubby purchased a few yards of a small link chain to experiment with, and although it's not my favorite, he enjoys the look of it now and then, when he's in a "photographer" sort of mood.

If you take a trip to the mall, Spencer's has an interesting assortment of toys. We found a set of Velcro restraints that work perfect for us. They were quite reasonably priced. They hold me pretty well, but in an emergency, I *can* get myself out of them. I refuse to be bound with handcuffs. I made the mistake of reading "Gerald's Game".

Your local thrift store will always have a nice assortment of silk scarves that are also good for tying your love's hands, or feet, or blindfolding. My husband likes to use these for breath play, also. They tend not to leave marks on my neck like his fingers might. Let me just say that I do not recommend breath play for someone who's not experienced. Too much can go wrong if you don't know what you are doing. RESEARCH – do your homework before you ever enter into something like this. (Didn't mean to get preachy.. just want those who are new to BDSM to be careful).

Fetish / Play Wear / Costumes

Now, I can honestly say that I've never walked into my local thrift store and found leather bondage wear hanging on the rack. However, Hubby is into role play and costumes. So I am often at the thrift store looking for interesting items. Hubby has a thing for knife play and "disposable clothing". Most of the items I purchase are worn only once and then are trash. An example... recently I acquired a rather tacky bridesmaid dress from the thrift shop. I took it home, carefully removed the hideous ruffles from the basic dress, then cut it off just above the knees. When I was done, it made a pretty hot little dress for me to pretend I was a hooker he'd picked up on the street. I paid $4.00 for it, and he had the time of his life!

Use your imagination, listen to your partner's fantasies. You'll be amazed at what you come up with.

You're going to spank me with what?

Visit the dollar store again. Or the kitchen gadget section of any store. Need a good, sturdy paddle? Ever noticed those acrylic cutting boards with the handles? Or the wood ones?

Hubby's favorite item to spank me with is a hard, black nylon spatula. It's a nasty beast and I love it! Wooden spoons are great.

Feather dusters are another cheapo item that are lots of fun to play with, btw. Another cool toy we discovered is a tracing wheel, found in the quilting dept of the craft aisle, or fabric store. Gently ran across the skin, or once you've played with it a bit, a little more firmly, it can be quite interesting.

Whips and Floggers

Back to the beginning of my article. Those floggers and such can be quite expensive. I purchased one that wasn't expensive from an online site, and when I got it, I was quite disappointed with it. Sometimes you do get what you pay for. The problem I had with it was that the craftsmanship just totally sucked. I kept thinking about the different items I had seen, and what I wanted, and came up with an idea or two of my own. I experimented, and actually came up with one or two very practical solutions to my dilemma of not having a lot of money to spend. My first endeavor turned out much better than I thought it would, and is actually my favorite flogger even today.

I bought two chamois cloths and a set of bicycle handles at the local Wal-Mart. I think I spent about $20. I cut the chamois into inch wide strips, the length of the cloth. The bicycle handles were wide enough on one end, but the hole was too small on the other, so I carefully used a sharp utility knife and cut away some of the plastic until the hole was just big enough for me to work with.

Once I had the hole like I wanted it, I took some heavy gauge nylon string and an upholstery needle and sewed one end of the strips together. This took a little time, but once I had them secured together, I was able to drop the needle into the bicycle grip, and carefully pull the strips into the handle. Once I had them inside the grip, I used the nylon string to secure a looped handle onto the other side of the grip. Voila! My first flogger.

This one is soft, and thuds very nicely. It is great for warming up your submissive's skin, or just to tease him or her with. This one does not have much of a bite to it. But if you knot the ends of the strips, it does make it a little heavier.

My second attempt was quite different. I still had one of those bicycle grips I had purchased before, and my brain went into high gear one afternoon when I stumbled across a bicycle inner tube on the pantry shelf. Yep, you guessed it. I cut that rubber tube into strips just like I did with the chamois. Only this time, the strips are about a half inch wide, and forked at the end. I threaded it through the grip the same way as the chamois.

Now this one has a bite. I recommend you go easy with this one until you figure out how it feels. Hubby has actually drawn blood with this one. The last attempt I made at constructing an instrument of torture for Hubby to play with turned out to be the best, although the harshest item he owns, and sometimes, I dread him bringing this thing out, but he loves it (and secretly so do I, but don't tell him that).

The grip of this one is again made of a bicycle grip. This time however, I purchased a bag of suede strips that I cut to all the same length, then threaded into the handle again. I made a loop handle, and covered the outside of the bicycle grip with more leather strips to give it a better look. The lashes of this one are about 14" long.

When I was finished with it, I tied five or six of those plastic "pony" beads on the ends of the strips – one to a strip. This hurts like hell. I only recommend the beads if you've got a true pain slut on your hands. If you're just experimenting DO NOT use the beads. Your mate will be screaming out safe words faster than you can blink.

I had enough material left over from this project that I made a smaller version of it. The lashes on this one are about 8" in length, and just perfect for spanking the ass that you just happen to be fucking, without accidentally ripping an ear off or putting out an eye!

There are many more ideas and items out there. Use your imagination. Make it a special thing for you and your mate to go on a "shopping" trip. Make her go without panties, or wear something special just for you. By the time you leave the store, you'll be dying to go home and play!

Enjoy!

The book immediately opens with "The Art of Bondage", a non-fiction piece by John Warren. Emphasizing safety first, Warren discusses a number of topics including: 1.) What Should Not Be Used for Bondage, 2.) What Can Be Used for Bondage, 3.) Knots: Knot So Mysterious, 4.) Bondage Positions, 5.) Decorative Bondage, 6.) Whole-body Bondage and Mummification, and 7.) Self-Bondage. Each section, though short offers understandable information that can be used by novices and experts alike.

The discussion goes from the most basic safety issues:

"Handcuffs, for example, are notorious for causing abrasions and can even cause nerve damage and broken bones. While this quality may be considered a plus by policemen seeking a docile prisoner, it is definitely not a plus in the scene." (pg. – 6)

Running through some more exotic, decorative pursuits:

"For the female dominant, men's cocks can provide hours of delightful fun. In this scene, this is often known as cock-and-ball torture or CBT, and bondage is an important part of this specialty." (pg. – 19)

Even covering some artistic, public possibilities:

"Because there is not enough constriction to impede blood flow, a submissive can remain in Japanese bondage for an extended period and can, with some designs, actually don street clothes and venture out in public while remaining in this exotic bondage." (pg. – 22)

While Warren's article touches lightly on the psychology of bondage for the dominant and submissive, it is more of a primer on the differing techniques and supplies available to the enthusiast. Considering the safety concerns Warren emphasizes, this is an excellent article to help beginners to carefully enter into the art, as well as a good reference to more experienced practitioners, needing to hone their skills while remaining mindful of safety.

The Anthologies second entry offers a little more into the psychology of bondage as techniques and supplies are lightly covered. Pat Califia's article "Bound by Love" covers such topics as: 1.) The Psychology of Bondage, 2.) Physical Techniques and Safety, and 3.) Communication Exercises. This detailed information is followed by two vignettes to fuel a novice's imagination titled "Willpower" and "Her Favorite Toy." Each vignette looks at the psychology of power, one with a male dominant, the other with a female dominant.

In discussing the psychology of bondage Califia notes:

"Submission and bondage are immediately connected in many people's minds, and many of the devices used in bondage are also powerful signifiers of submissive status – the collar, the leash, the hood, wrist cuffs worn in lieu of bracelets. The goal during a scene of this type is to create a state of surrender and allow the bottom to go under and yield to your authority." (pg 31)

Following the two non-fiction entries, there are nineteen short stories previously published in Masquerade's line of novels and short story collections. The stories, each of which features some aspect of bondage, have some interesting titles including, "Cinderella" by Titian Beresford, "The Initiation of Caroline" by Paul Little, "Loony Ward" by Cynthia Freeley, and "Richard's Corrections" by Anonymous. And yes, the book features several stories from that wily Anonymous. I wonder if this is the same Anonymous who comments on so many stories here at lit.

In "Loony Ward" by Cynthia Freeley, Francine a night nurse at an institution takes a break, sneaking into a storage room to smoke a cigarette. Soon she is joined by Nick, one of the (necessarily) strong orderlies. Without a word, he undresses her and then, to her surprise and delight:

"After he had folded her dress and put it neatly on a shelf, he opened a package of gauze, took her wrists, and tied them over her head to the steel shelves. Now she was amused, wondering what he would do next."

As Nick places some forceps on her nipples and moves his hands lower, she opens to him. He kneels before her teasing her with his tongue as Francine savors the ambiguity of the bound submissive. Though restrained, she was also freed:

"It was sweet agony not to be able to touch him. Nick would decide when Francine could actually lay her hands on his body."

She was free to experience the sensation without the need or ability to reciprocate at this time. She simply savored what he did to her. After an intense climax, Francine was untied and the forceps were removed from her nipples. It was now time to reciprocate:

"He kissed her lips and told her it was time for her to thank him.

Francine dropped to her knees and took his stiff cock into her mouth."

After Nick comes and the two clean up, the quickly returned to their duties, their absence completely unnoticed. As Nick heads off on rounds, he mentions to Francine that one of the rooms is unoccupied. Francine considers the possibilities.

The remaining eighteen stories offer a wide range of scenes and characters in a hot mix of situations that have one thing in common: bondage. This book is an excellent handbook for someone wanting to learn the art, but it also makes an excellent idea book for the experience bondage enthusiasts wanting a bit of variety. Of course the hot stories make for some nice erotic reading.

Though not directly available from Amazon, it is available new and used from its network of independent booksellers. The price for this book is hefty, so you may want to peruse the shelves of your local used bookstores. I had found it a number of years ago for only two dollars in a used bookstore. Now that it is out of print, it will be a bit more difficult to find and definitely more expensive. It was copywriter by Masquerade Books in 1998.