BBWSex4u: BBW Discussions: Humor

A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor said that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied!

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Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day,
he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great
condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is
outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it
from the rain.' (true story)
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally,they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says.. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge
stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in
the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes
off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her
parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her
mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom.
'She's got a great body,' he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her
panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner
table.
After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is
pleasantly beaming. But still.... Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father shouted. 'I'll do the fuckin' dishes!!'

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A guy is sitting in his living room watching TV when he notices a Police car pull up in front of his house.
The Sheriff and his deputy come up and knock on the front door. He answers the door and the Sheriff says , are you Mr. Smith? Yes, he says. Are you married, sir? Yes I am, replies Mr. Smith.
Would you happen to have a picture of your wife, sir?
Yes I do, says Mr. Smith.
Would you mind getting it and showing it to us. No problem, gents. He goes into the living room and returns with her picture and hands it to the Sheriff.
A very serious look comes across the Sheriff’s face and he looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry Mr. Smith but it looks like your wife was run over by a truck”.
Mr. Smith replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is a fantastic cook” !!!

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Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Who says mother nature doesn't have a sense of humor!




She named him Dick!